The Lower the Lows, the Higher the Highs

I can't remember at which exact moment I began thinking about doing it, but remember more clearly when I finally decided to go ahead. But am I glad that I chose to; and I can't thank our close friends enough for helping organize everything.

I guess I've felt really bad all year for screwing up on her birthday and scheduling a flying session (She sulked all day and went off shopping with Dhruv). And of course, the weight of 4 missed and 1 almost missed (I got back at 11:30 pm) anniversaries weighed heavily on the decision.

Anyway, to start at the beginning... Sandhya and I completed 10 years of being married to each other on 12 December 2004. On Monday evening, I sent an email out to Lata, Kala and Smitha, asking their opinion on whether a surprise party was feasible. They all replied enthusiastically, including Kala, who was not going to be around on the 12th.

I sent the evites out later that evening, inviting close friends and family in the Bay Area. Here's a copy of the evite:


Lots of people responded enthusiastically. Smitha and I worked out the decoy, to get Sandhya out of the house. I began setting her up for it through the week, so that the actual situation would seem like a natural progression from the week's developments... Complaining of a back ache, talking about an upcoming RFP that might require me to go into work on Sunday, talking enthusiastically of the amazing restaurant I had made reservations at for Sunday...

The major preparations were made on Thursday, when I placed the order for the cake (Red Ribbon Bakery is a Chinese Bakery in the area with an awesome reputation for great cakes. Sandhya had thought of getting Dhruv's birthday cake from there), bought the Champagne and began planning the food menu. I placed the food order on Friday, and assigned responsibilities to various friends to pick up the food, cake, decorations, etc.

D-Day rolled around and the sun rose on a typical Bay Area winter day -- a bit foggy in the morning, burning off later in the morning. I busied myself raking leaves in the front yard, and then, in my "enthusiasm", raked the two neighbor's yards too. Of course, I "forgot" to wear my backbrace while doing this, and so began to complain of a slight backache when I was done.

Sandhya thought that I'd made reservations, with great difficulty, at a fancy "Fusion" restaurant in Menlo Park. I even had her believe that they had a dress code! The plan was for us to drop Dhruv off at Smitha's place in Cupertino at 12:00, and then get to the restaurant at 12:30.

Manish Subramanian, a colleague and friend from IIMA, called at 11:15 to say that there was something urgent that required me to come into work. Sandhya's face fell, but brave soldier that she was, she agreed to go drop Dhruv off at Cupertino without me, and to meet me at the restaurant. However, she was so angry that she didn't even wave goodbye when she was driving off!

She reached Smitha's place 30 minutes later. By this time the first few friends had arrived, and they all enthusiastically got busy in decorating the place, arranging the food, etc. I called Sandhya at Smitha's place and told her that my back had completely frozen and that I was invalid in the office. Lunch was off, and she had to come back and drive me home; I could not even drive myself. She sounded disappointed, but as she later told me, how angry could she get with someone who was ill? Smitha later tells us that her eyes filled with tears... The Lower the Lows, the Higher the Highs... I then set off for the office to wait for her there.

After feeding Dhruv, she left Smitha's place at 12:30, and reached the office around 1:00pm. I knew that I had to delay her, so that Smitha and Poulo could get to our house in time to see the surprise. There were in constant touch with me on the cellphone. Around 1:10, I called Manish to say that we were leaving the office, and would be home in 5 minutes.

When we pulled into the garage, all was quiet. There was not a hint that anything was out of the ordinary. Then suddenly June (our neighbor) pops her head into the garage to say hello! Oh God!, I thought, there goes the surprise. But she just greeted us and then disappeared. I walked slowly to the door, and let Sandhya precede me, so that she could open the door. I also remembered to close the garage door, so that the camera could capture the moment better (without the light from the back).

She opened the door to see the stairs and house full, just FULL, of people. A loud "SURPRISE" greeted her and it was obvious that she was well and truly caught unawares.

The party was a great hit (I think) - we popped the champagne, drank toasts to the "next forty years", cut the cake (it lived up to it's reputation) and the food was spicy, but extremely tasty.

We were joking that I've only made up for the "sins" of the last 9 anniversaries (I missed 4 of them, attended 4, and on one reached home at 11:30pm).

I think the party was all the more enjoyable because Sandhya's spirits had been brought to such a low through the day (my going in to work, and then canceling the lunch).

Expectations = unhappiness

We were both delighted when we found out. Sandhya, maybe a little jittery at the thought of going through it with an increasingly "engergetic" Dhruv to manage. Like the typical male stereotype, I felt that "we'd cope" when it happened.

The coincidence was striking -- we found out on 17th November this year, two days before my 34th Birthday; we'd found out about Dhruv on 19th November two years ago. The new arrival had an ETA right around Dhruv's due date; with some luck the planned c-section might even have been on the 4th of July, Dhruv's birthday and US Independence day.

Of course, we (sorry, I) began dreaming, and talking about it between each other and with close friends, telling Dhruv about his becoming a "big brother" to a "little sister". "Maybe this one will be a girl", I thought. "She'll be a girl that breaks all molds, brought up with few of the stereotypical shackles that girls are unfortunately burdened with, achieving greatness just because of that upbringing". I began thinking about our plans to relocate, back to India, after the second addition to our brood.

So when our first doctor's visit yesterday revealed that she would have to miscarry because of an "unviable pregnancy", you'd have thought that I'd be shattered and devastated. Funnily, that didn't happen and I feel quite at peace with myself.

It's probably because of the increasing realization that unhappiness is often a result of expectations -- we expect disaster and are worried and unhappy; or we expect good things and when they do not come to pass, we are unhappy. The mind constantly hankers after past happiness, broods over past sadness, anticipates future happiness, or is anxious about future sadness. Living in the moment is required, but difficult. And little do we realize that so much beauty is passing us by while we're hankering, brooding, fearing or anticipating.

So all the while that I thought of the baby that was potentially on its way, I also thought of how she (or he) could not come, or have serious problems, and therefore enjoyed each thought the more. I increasingly think of Dhruv in the same way; he's with us now, but anything could happen that could take him away. I enjoy each diaper change and tickle fight the more if I think of it that way. Anything could happen to Sandhya, and I enjoy her taking in the simple pleasures of life the more. Anything could happen to me - the low platelet count in my blood test could be an indicator of leukaemia; I enjoy every living moment the more.

A simple idea, and the essence of which is at the heart of every spiritual teacher's core beliefs through history, but unfortunately one that has been obfuscated by generations of self-serving clergy, in each and every case.

However this is more intellectual today rather than intuitive. Hopefully the week of Vipasana in January will raise this consciousness from the intellectual to the intuitive, so that I live in the moment all the time without having to think about it.

First Tailwheel Solo

I keep wondering why it felt so different. I have soloed in many different types and never felt the same. Thinking back, there are probably several small reasons, little dabs of paint that when you step back and look at the whole picture, made for a slightly intimidating aircraft, and hence the nervousness.

There were all of Appa's stories about experienced Air Force pilots swinging on take off. Then there was the article in AOPA pilot where their flying editors spoke about their nervousness flying a tailwheel and the fact that they'd never soloed after getting the endorsement on paper. Then there was the whole changing instructors thing -- I spent close to 10 hours with the first, but felt like he was destroying my confidence more than teaching me to fly. Mike Korklan turned out to be a breath of fresh air -- more realistic about the level of "perfection" a new Tailwheel pilot should have, and equally keen to point out what you did well as he was to tell you what you could improve, and how.

Anyway, Mike had said that we'd do a few take offs and landings, even some soft and short ones, and then he'd give me a "final exam" and sign me off. All that went well and we asked the tower to give us the right so that we could call it a day. Mike expected me to taxi to the fuel island, tank up, and taxi back to the hangar. He was not a little puzzled when I asked him whether I could just drop him off and go do a few solos myself. In fact, I think he said "it's good that you want to fly this aircraft solo". Maybe he thought I was one of those people who wanted a Tailwheel endorsement for the logbook. (Of course, this made me a little nervous too).

The Taxi out and take off felt good, and it also reminded me why I like flying so much -- it's the ultimate responsibility trip.

On previous flights I might have been a bit lazier on my feet or less careful about sliding my feet down so that I was not touching the brakes, but this time, with no Mike to step in if things went hairy, I was acutely conscious of where my feet were, how I gradually added pressure on the right rudder as the tail came up and how firm I was to keep the nose exactly on the centerline. Good habits came automatically too, like a quick sneak at the engine instruments when adding power.

A snappy climb out and nice, coordinated left turn saw me on the cross-wind to 27L, throttling back to maintain 600', and turning left on the downwind left. Richard's constant reminders to look out came back to me again, as I watched a Southwest B-737-800 lumber down runway 29 and get airborne on my right.

The first landing was a conventional 3-pointer that worked out just perfect. I followed that by another 3-pointer, and then a nice wheel landing that I judged well enough that I needed no power to help out. By this time I was confident enough to consider, and later execute, two multiples (3-point + wheel), before deciding to call it a day.

The last landing was the most fun, since I did a wheel landing on 27R so that I could roll upto the turnoff point Golf, which is closest to the fuel island. A three pointer would have had me stop really short (this aircraft lands on a dime) and then I'd have had to exit and taxi some distance to the fuel island. That felt really professional.

I love this plane. I really felt one with it, where the sound of the engine and the wind over the wings was enough to know whether we were at the right throttle setting or at the right landing speed. Almost takes me back to times in Delhi in the T-21b or the ASK-13 (gliders) where I often did not need to look at the gauges.

There were times with the other instructor that I hated the Citabria with every fiber of my being and had written off ever being able to fly it. But now, I just can't think of flying anything but this aircraft. I guess I now have to find enough single victims to take up with me.

I am already thinking up trips I can take in this think -- and of course soft field -- this aircraft was made for a grassy strip -- I hope I can head out to Columbia or some such place soon and try that out too...

Maybe I'll even convince Sandhya to let me buy one of them soon...